I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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