the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
