i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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