I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
