im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
