Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
