She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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