i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
