dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
