my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
