Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
