if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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