I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
3 2 1 whiskey
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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