New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
