i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
