As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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