Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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