he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
