Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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