Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
