Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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