he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
