I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
