You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
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