hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
