Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
