Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
