currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
