I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
