I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
