just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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