Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
