I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
