I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
