I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
