And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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