; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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