weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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