real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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