So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
