My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
