guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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