I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
