Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
