so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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