it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
