I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
