I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
