Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
