you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
