You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
