I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
