phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
