FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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