I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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