I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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