I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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