I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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