the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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