Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
