apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
