does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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