This girl is more easily done than said...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
