I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
