Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
