its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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