she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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