I wanna bring you to show and tell
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
