I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
