I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
