she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
