i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
i need some magic done to my vagina
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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