you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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